Tag Archives: professions

It’s July?!

1 Jul

That’s fucked up.  Moving on.

Sweetheart, answers can't be found behind the kidney beans, but you're cute for trying.

For me, buying groceries is always some kind of existential journey, involving several questions but few answers.  When I see people much older than me bagging my items, I always wonder, what happened in their lives that they’re working here now?  How many of these people have post-secondary degrees and were screwed by the economy, so now their last resort includes the phrase, “Is plastic okay?”

It makes me think, who the hell am I to think I’m entitled to a semi-decent job right after college, when the market is tough for everyone?  What the fuck makes me so special, anyway?  Does the sun shine that brightly out of my ass that I can’t strap an apron around it and stock some tuna cans?

And then I wonder, but will this ever happen to me?  At what point in my job hunt will I become desperate enough to work here?  Will it happen after I’ve been searching for a year?  Will it happen sooner, later?

Seriously, I never thought that buying tampons, milk, and detergent could be such a soul-wracking experience.

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One Way to Do It

15 Jun

I don’t want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don’t want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don’t want to do that.

-Lloyd Dobler, Say Anything 1989

Sometimes it’s just easier to figure out what you don’t like than it is to figure out what you do.

So go ahead and pull a Dobler–what don’t you want you to do or be? For example, I’m not fond of neo-Nazis, so I’m fairly certain that I’m not going to pursue that as a career path (I don’t know though, I hear they have great dental).  I also don’t like dogs; let’s be real, they’re not dogs, but mini-dwarf bears in disguise.  The fact that I was bitten as a child may also play into this dislike, I can’t really say.  However, I can say that I shall never be a dog groomer.  Finally, I don’t think I’ll become a lawyer–everyone in the profession has advised me against it, and I’m not going to pay $150 grand to hate something.  I’d rather pay $1.50 for a King Size Snickers and then hate myself for my lack of self restraint.

See?  In 30 seconds, I’ve eliminated three out of a possible gazillion professions.  I can also venture forth into the real world and discover my passions through trial and error.  What have I really got to lose? Nothing, I have nothing, because I am unemployed and broke, and as a recent grad, I also know nothing about the real world, which is all the more reason to just  dive right in to the workforce.  And readers, if you’ve yet to put on real shoes today, or if The View is within earshot, then this applies to you too.  Sure, your first job may not be what you dreamed of, but you’ll gain valuable hands-on experience as well as witness other various career options available.  So jump on in, the water’s really kind of just okay fine!

Kids and Twenty-Somethings: More in Common Than You Think

31 Mar

After Jurassic Park came out, I wanted to be a Dinosaur Princess.

I just turned 23 last week.  Every time you have a birthday, you may take a moment to reflect and think, “Is this really where I thought I was going to be when I was a kid?”  The answer is: probably not, unless you envisioned living at home and watching Law and Order: SVU with your mom ad nauseum.

For one, most kids can’t grasp the idea of aging; I’m pretty sure that as a five year old, I didn’t think the age 23 existed; you were either a baby (and no fun because you couldn’t ride Big Wheels), five, or old.  And if you asked me how “old” old was, I would probably either say 100, or 12.  Nothing random like the early twenties.  Secondly, your adorably clueless five year old brain couldn’t understand that one day you would have to have a serious answer to the question, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”  There comes a point where you just can’t respond with “Batman!” or “a ballerina!” or, as my overachieving six year old sister aspires, “The President, a ballet teacher, a doctor, and in the Olympics.  For figure skating.”

So, my five year old self thought I was either going to be five forever, and the oldest I would probably get would be 13, maybe 14. And if I ever got to be that old and was forced to retire my Big Wheels and get a real job, well then, I would most likely become a princess.  (And if you asked me how I would enter the ranks of royalty, I would shrug, “I dunno, magic, prolly.”)

If this childish innocence doesn’t seem familiar to anyone (really, who are you humorless people?), just look around today’s youth and you’ll see it in droves.  According to Forbes.com, kids are drawn to the fantasy and allure of employment, and have no idea about the true salaries or the availability of positions regarding their dream jobs (like, duh).  For example, some young respondents thought that police officers make a grand total of $29 a year, while older kids thought that dancers rake in $116,000.  The reality? $48,410 and $28,829, respectively.

I think that there are some interesting parallels between kids and recent unemployed grads.  How many of us can say that we aren’t just as clueless about our dream jobs than our five year old counter-parts? Do we know if said dream is a happy, shiny fantasy or a true fit for us and our career ambitions?  What do we actually know about the salary and the upward mobility of this job?  Is this a stable vocation that we can carry-out for the long-term?

Our early twenties is this strange transient phase of our life.  In order to settle it down, we have to be well-organized and well-researched when it comes to our professions.  Do your homework to find out if you truly want to be an astronaut, a movie star, or SpongeBob.  Which may be possible through…I dunno,  magic, prolly.