Tag Archives: humor

Please Fire Me: Because Life Blows When You’re Employed, Too

18 Jul

"Please fire me. I’d like to come out of the closet."

In our hunt for gainful employment, we oftentimes forget that life on the paid side of the fence isn’t as rosy as we thought.  Workers live in quiet misery, withstanding the stupidity and injustices around them.  Their only salvation is sending a desperate plea into the obscure oblivion of the Internet, hoping that the Heavens can help.  Those who come across their message-in-a-bottle plea can offer nothing but laughter at their misfortunes.  Because it is the Internet, after all.

That is the entire premise of Please Fire Me.  Users submit ridiculous work anecdotes as a means of surviving “the hellish work day.” Their catharsis is our enjoyment.  Additionally, it serves as a reminder that our jobs don’t suck nearly as much comparatively, if it all.  As for unemployed little me–I just wonder, I want to join the workforce why again?

Below are some gems:

Please fire me. I am “skating on thin ice” because I have asthma and work stock.

Please fire me. My boss just typed “google” into the Google search bar.

Please fire me. My boss regularly prints out .pdf e-mail attachments and then asks me to scan them into our server as a .pdf.

Please fire me.  My boss called a meeting and the number one point on the agenda was ‘Internet: friend, foe, is it here to stay?

Please fire me. I work out of my boss’s home. As I took my lunch, he gave me a bullet-point list of 12 additional things to do because he wouldn’t have time to get to them today. He is currently taking a nap.

Please fire me. Because no kid ever said, “When I grow up, I want to be a Records Specialist” or at least I hope they didn’t.

Please fire me. I am a substitute teacher at the mercy of screaming, lying dwarfs and psychotic principals who want me to treat the little jerks gently.

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Hiring Freeze For Real

16 Mar

Okay, funny stuff, Onion. But it’s only funny to cryogenically preserve recent graduates immediately after graduation because there’s some truth to the fact that my classmates are not being hired.

I’m certainly glad that people are at least poking fun at our common misfortune. In fact, that’s what I’ve found to be most useful for the discouraged: humor. If you can laugh a little (including at yourself) during the job hunt process, you’ll be better off for it.

Employers are looking for people that are personable. I wouldn’t want to work with you if you don’t have a sense of humor anyway. For generation Millenial, I’d say a little self-depreciation can come in handy when “entitlement” is so prevalent.

Ease into it: just don’t start your interview off with a joke (or a pickup line).