Tag Archives: cheetos


14 Apr

Lately I’ve been noticing that there is a regularity to my feelings (if anyone cracks a menstruation joke, I’ll cut you with a rusty spork).  When you’re unemployed, you’re on a perpetual roller coaster of emotions, and after a while, you can tell that it’s pretty a predictable ride.
This journey can actually be depicted by trigonometry, proving my high school math teacher was right; she swore that this crap would come in useful one day.

Therefore, I present to you, The Unemployment Experience: a Graphical Representation.

clicky click if you want to see.

If you looked at that and all you saw was “blah blah blah math math bitch bitch complain,” here’s an alternate graph for you to look at:

same rule applies here.

Where are you in this vicious cycle of unemployment?


Put down the Cheetos, and put on some pants: How to get out of a rut

23 Mar


No matter how big or small they are, having commitments gives “liberal artists” a sense of meaning and accomplishment.  At college, we’re busy with work, papers, clubs, etc.  That all mattered to us, and in turn made us matter to others.  As graduation loomed, we reacted with glee as we contemplated a future free of all-nighters at the library and late shifts in the student union.  “Oh squeee! No more! ZOMG yaaaaaay!”  we thought while we had a dance party to the 32 second chorus of George Michael’s Freedom (yes, just the chorus, because I suspect the rest of the song is about his homosexuality and NOT freedom).

Without those occasionally pesky obligations we’re used to, the steady routine that you probably donned real, non-stretchy pants for every morning gets cast into a nebulous galaxy of cheetos and Hulu.com.  However satiating it may be, this holds a rather sobering experience; for 14 years of our academic lives, we’ve been accountable to others or else faced the repercussions.  Now, no one cares if we continue to messily munch and watch online tv except Chester Cheetah and the ad execs at Hulu.   Sad face, seriously.

To put it bluntly, how do you make your life matter again?  Or will you forever be watching Arrested Development online until you die from cheese dust inhalation?

HARK! THERE IS A SOLUTION: hold yourself accountable.  Only you can get yourself out a rut, so it’s time to act like grown-up and implement habits that will also carry over into your career.  Start by putting on some friggin’ pants, and not the kind with a drawstring.  Looking the part of someone who’s got their shit together will allow you to grab life by its testicles, hard. Begin each day with at least one goal you’re going to accomplish, and then do it.  These tasks don’t have to come anywhere near the level of commitments we had in school, but on the flipside, don’t make it an obligation to watch 3 hours of tv.  Tell yourself you’re going to read a new book, go to the gym, reorganize your closet, apply to a job, volunteer at the nursing home, literally ANYTHING.

By giving yourself goals and then adhering to them, you’re not only regaining that sense of meaning and routine, you’ll become an asset in the office.  You’ll know how to work towards the company mission, and what employer wouldn’t love that?