Best if used by…

24 Jun

Sarah says I have to prove I am not a robot by writing a “feelings” post on this blog. F that. Robots can’t appear convincingly in multiple video blog posts like I did. So there, Sarah. Eat my shorts.

I’m not a robot, but I do have feelings and part of this blog is sharing. So, Sarah will get part of her wish at least anyway. To be honest, I am not stuck in a rut. I am not riddled by the What-if Gremlin. I don’t think I’m even on the feelings cosine roller-coaster. That’s because I have a job, and it’s one that I actually kinda like.

My issue is that even though I have a job, I am so far from having my life figured out. A job does not equal stability or even mild satisfaction. Even worse, I worry that having a job is timing-out my inspiration. To put it as the book Rework does, “Inspiration is perishable.”

One of the great things about being a liberal artist is that I have no shortage of inspiration, but the ability and opportunity to act upon inspiration is limited. I fear my job and a devotion to doing my job well barricades me from thinking beyond the job. What’s going to fulfill me beyond a paycheck and an office? What question or problem should I spend my life devoted to addressing? What defines a career? These questions aren’t in focus.

It’s a privileged fear, I know. Most people would say, “you should be thankful to have work” and “put your head down and just work.” But that’s not who I am. I can’t let inspiration go to waste because it’s probably the only thing I have going for me.

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